


Incomplete

by brittahkiin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, i accidentally did this and i don't know how to handle it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 03:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6179224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittahkiin/pseuds/brittahkiin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke has always heard a tune, but it was incomplete. or so she thought it was until she met Lexa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Incomplete

**Author's Note:**

> so i’ve been heartbroken over Lexa and couldn’t listen to literally any music without thinking of Clexa. but i came across Incomplete by Phantasma and couldn’t help myself. it’s terrible and i hate myself. (any mistakes are my own punch me in the face if they’re bad)

when i was young, i would sit on my dad’s lap and he would tell me stories of the ground. he would tell me of how his great great grandfather was a huge fan of the Red Sox and how he once caught a home run ball from one of the players. every time he would tell a story that reminded him of the eventual return to the ground, his eyes would twinkle. 

the last thing my father ever told me was that life was nothing like a grand symphony. it’s like when you know only one line of a song over and over again, but you only know it as incomplete. you’ll always find comfort in the melody, the way the tune drifts in and out of your mind, how the lyrics taste so sweet. he would then hum a few notes of a song he’d sing to me when i was a baby, i would usually chime in with him. the last time i saw him, we hummed together before they floated him. 

i didn’t hear the tune since that day. 

when we were sent to the ground in some test for the rest of the Ark, i was too busy to even try to think for myself. i was tending to the wounded, Bellamy’s power trip, Murphy being a general asshole. 

it wasn’t until i met you that i finally heard it again. when i walked into your tent to discuss peace between our people, you sat on that throne with your intimidating warpaint and wardrobe, my heart fluttered. when you spoke, my breath caught. i honestly can’t even remember our first words, i was too stuck on the melody swirling around me. 

throughout the rest of our meetings, the melody would get louder. i never once thought that i would hear it again. strange, i know. you never reminded me of my father, but you reminded me of hope. the hope he had for the world, for mankind. the kiss was what continued the melody. i have never heard it before in my entire life. your lips on mine created it, you added your own portion. despite the fact that i wasn’t ready, i caught myself humming to myself over and over again. even my mother noticed the extra bit and almost asked me about it, but she didn’t have the heart to pry.

the fall of the mountain, though, was the last time i could remember your addition. “May we meet again,” you told me, as if i would find comfort in those words. i cursed your name through and through. i hated every time i thought about you. i hated every time that fucking song would play in my head, an impulse for self soothing. for the first time, i wanted the song to be incomplete. i lived on for months in silence. i changed everything about me that reminded me of you. i tucked away my true self, the self i let you see, and hid behind the Wanheda persona. i spent many hours at campfire forcing myself to create a new tune. i’ll be honest, the only thing that did was make me even more upset. i lived alongside your people, your clans, yet you never attempted to find me. or so i previously thought.

when Roan abducted me i was sure it would be to kill me, to take the spirit of Wanheda, and become the most powerful in the land. i was sure he’d kill me and kill you. i tried to escape, to save myself. that didn’t go well. Bellamy came to find me, but he wasn’t successful either. it wasn’t like i was helpless, i picked up a couple tricks from you and your people. i just didn’t have hope. my life was transformed into the life i was trying so hard to break you out of. i was living only to survive. 

as the bag was lifted off my head and i heard your voice, i didn’t know what to do. Heda. Commander Lexa. the woman i’ve been trying to wash away after you betrayed me. i was livid. i wanted to scream at you for everything you’ve done, i wanted my revenge. i wanted to let you suffer as i’ve been suffering. then i saw the look in your eyes, you were afraid. i didn’t understand why or what for, but you were scared of something. maybe you were afraid that i wouldn’t help you? or perhaps that i would be swayed to help Roan overthrow your rule? you never told me. 

i bowed before you the next night in front of everyone. the great Wanheda, on her knees before the leader of the now 13 clans. i didn’t want to fight you anymore. i didn’t want this war between us to keep going. you apologised for turning me into whatever i was and that was what honestly got to me. it was when you let your guard down, when you weren’t the intimidating warrior everyone else knew you as. you were just Lexa, the girl i kissed before we took on the mountain. 

when i saw you with the young nightbloods, you were so happy. looking over your eventual successor made you proud, you were glowing. as you saw them off, you started to hum. you tried so hard to hide the tune, yet i still caught it. it was another addition to the one i knew. the song was growing more and more with each minute we spent together. i wanted to continue where you dropped off, i wanted to tell you every time i fought myself to stop thinking of the melody, but i couldn’t. not this soon.

you fought Roan, killed Nia, and secured the now king’s position in Azgeda. the next few days were chaotic. i was with you longer than i ever was before, usually lounging in your room while you read. sometimes we would just chat about anything. you always would speak of the spirit within you and how it would be searching for the next commander. you were always so obsessed with your death and assuring that i would be protected. you thought your replacement would be Aden and had him swear that i would be okay. even with all the security you had built up, you couldn’t call how you would die. i never thought much of it, you were just like that. it wasn’t until word came that Arkadia was attacking you that i saw the fear in your eyes again. i could almost hear your thoughts speeding about in your head, asking yourself if you did enough. 

i left once to speak to my people, and you were holding yourself back to not allow me to leave. i had to do it for my people, all feelings aside. when i came back though, you were so tightly wound that i thought you’d shatter into pieces. i think it was then that i finally allowed myself to embrace the love i had for you. the love i still have for you. 

you wanted me to stay with you, otherwise i’d be locked inside of Arkadia for who knew how long. when we kissed, i wanted to sing. i wanted to sing the song that was playing in both of our heads for the past month. when you were sat on the edge of your bed, looking up to me as if i were a goddess i wanted to write every single lyric of the song all over your body. we made love that night. twice, actually. we were so happy in bed, i traced over your tattoos and wanted to never move.

i don’t know why i did, i don’t know why you followed. i don’t know why either of us didn’t just stay under your furs, tangled in one another. i held you in my arms while you were dying, your black blood staining my arms and clothes. the song was slow in my head and i couldn’t help but hum it. you weakly joined with me, tears falling while you did so. together we completed the song. together we finished the melody that was echoing in my head since i was hovering above the planet. may we meet again wasn’t a hollow goodbye now. it was the ending of the song that you finished for me. 

when i get lonely and can’t stop thinking about you, i curl myself up in your bed and hold your cloak close. Titus fought me about giving it to the next Heda until he eventually had another commissioned and let me keep it. i sing the song at least once a day to remember you. to remember us. to remember what we made. the sound is almost as sweet as your voice. the melody tastes almost like you did.

i miss you, Lexa. 

i love you.

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me:  
> twitter: @brittahkiin  
> writing tumblr: brittwritesshit.tumblr.com  
> main tumblr: brittahkiin.tumblr.com
> 
> like what you read? help me by supplying me with caffeine! ko-fi.com/brittahkiin


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